[Knock on door]
You wanted to see me?
Yes, I did.
This is a $54 steak.
Congratulations. It looks really good.
Yes, it does.
But, of course, I can't eat it because of my recent...
Heart attack.
Secret heart attack.
No strenuous activity, no red meat, no booze.
But I thought perhaps you might enjoy it.
Oh, okay. Thanks.
This'll make a great sandwich tomorrow.
No. I would like you to eat it here.
Right now.
You want to watch me eat this steak in front of you?
That's what I want.
Okay.
This is a time of new beginnings for me, Lemon.
And, of course, that means new opportunities.
Have you read the interview with Don Geiss
in this month's issue of "Yachting Illustrated"?
No. I subscribe to "Giant Boats."
"'The ocean,' says Geiss, 'like business
or the pillowy abyss of a lover's bosom,
seems infinite.
But all things must end."'
"Pillowy abyss"?
Ignore that part.
"All things must end."
Geiss is sending signals about retirement,
about succession.
By talking about sex in a sailing magazine?
That's exactly how Margaret Thatcher did it.
Geiss' job is the most coveted position in the free world.
You're in the running for it, right?
I would like to think so.
But I've got to do something to raise my profile,
to distinguish me in some way.
And I have to do it soo...
You ate that whole thing?
A dog took it.
He came out of nowhere.
Hey, Jenna. What's up?
Pretty good.
Are you okay?
I'm fine, Jenna. I'm just a little light-headed.
I'm on a crash diet to get back to my old weight by Friday.
What diet is gonna do that?
It's the Japanese Porn Star Diet.
I only eat paper.
But I can eat all the paper I want, so...
Hey, there.
Hi.
Jenna, this isn't healthy.
Maybe you're just fighting your natural shape.
When did your mom gain all that weight?
Oh, God!
My point is, don't let people make you crazy about this.
You are just as beautiful and talented as you ever were.
No. No, no, no. You are fat.
Go and see Dr. Spaceman right now and get this taken care of.
How come men can be heavy and be respected?
Like James Gandolfini or Fat Albert?
It's a double standard,
and America needs to get over its body-image madness.
Oh, come on.
What are we, back in college, freshman year?
Let's go to the common room and talk about apartheid.
I'm sorry if I care about making the world a better place.
You should be. It's a complete waste of time,
and it prevents you from dealing with this.
Excuse me. What about "this" do I have to deal with?
How's your love life going?
I believe that love comes to you when you're not looking for it.
Did you return that wedding dress you bought?
I'm gonna sell it online, but my Internet is being weird.
How about the furniture for your "home office"?
Have you even set that up yet?
I'm not making excuses, Jack. But "this" is taken care of.
Ow.
Ah, nerds!
I missed a dentist appointment this morning.
WOMAN ON P. A: Josh to the stage, please,
for "llleana Douglas Talk Show."
Son of a bitch.
Banks.
What are you doing in town?
Were you drawn to the phallic nature of our skyline?
Very funny, Jack.
How gay is this?
I'm here visiting my fiancée.
What?
Kathy...
this is Jack Donaghy.
Banks, have you lost your mind?
Oh, did I forget to mention that Kathy is Kathy Geiss?
As in Don Geiss' daughter.
Can you believe that Don thought she'd never get married?
You can't. You're gay.
No. Not anymore, friend.
Are you familiar with the Church of Practicology?
You mean the cult that was invented by Stan Lee?
No, I mean the religion founded
by the alien king living inside Stan Lee.
You see, it's my faith in Practicology
that has helped me uncover my true straight self.
It's definitely working.
I can totally feel the gay draining right out of me.
By the eye of Zolnak, right, guys?
You're going to be Don Geiss' son-in-law?
That's right.
And if you read his recent interview
in the "Harvard Gay Business Review,"
you know that he's thinking about retirement.
But I guess I'll find out more about that tonight at dinner.
With Geiss.
At a restaurant.
[Whistling]
Josh to the stage, please.
Yo, Ken.
Angie and Grizz is coming by to drop some of my stuff off.
Oh. Okay.
But I want her to know I'm having a good time on my own,
so you should go get us some party hats.
The pointy kind.
Mr. Jordan, can't you just apologize to her?
No! Things have been said that cannot be taken back.
She called my vanity license plate inscrutable!
"I see you ate one. Am l"?
Hilarious!
Angie is in the past,
like Dracula and broadcast television.
I think you're letting your pride get in the way.
I mean, if you saw Angie with another man...
With who?
That guy Mike that redid our driveway?
Nah, whatever.
She should find someone new.
Doesn't bother me.
Dot Com, I have an idea.
Well, I don't know, but it's worth a shot.
Are you even listening to me?
Now, Jenna, medically speaking, for your height,
your weight puts you in what we call the disgusting range.
Fortunately, there are solutions.
For example, crystal meth has been shown to be very effective.
How important is tooth retention to you?
It's pretty important.
Okay.
What about my crazy surgical options, Dr. Spaceman?
Please.
"Dr. Spaceman" is my dad. Call me Leo.
And there are some wonderful crazy surgical options.
Are you familiar with the Bradshaw Clinic?
Am I? That's where the Olsen twins were separated.
I've sent a number of my famous clients there.
I can make a call, get you in as soon as possible.
Oh, thank you, Leo.
I can't be on television looking like I just had a baby.
This, right here, is why I got into medicine.
Devin's a genius.
A genius? Isn't he just living a lie to get ahead at work?
We all have our secrets.
Devin's pretending to be straight.
I'm trying to keep my heart episode under wraps.
And Alan Garkel in legal?
I don't think he needs that wheelchair.
No!
Aah! Uh, Mr. Banks.
I didn't see you there.
I've been following you for the better part of an hour, Kenneth.
Does Mr. Donaghy know you're here?
I don't need Jack's permission, Kenneth.
I'm gonna be running this place soon.
And there are gonna be some changes
to the pages' uniforms, certainly.
Mr. Banks, Mr. Donaghy eats guys like you
as part of a healthy breakfast.
And I'm sure you think he's weak right now,
but he's only gotten stronger since his heart attack.
Heart attack? Really?
Right, Mr. D?
High five!
Not now? Okay.
What is this? Liposuction?
Plus bone shaving and organ reduction.
Ugh!
Liz, you don't understand.
People look at me differently now.
Jack, the writers, the manager at Forever 21.
That is their problem, not yours.
Is this clinic on a boat?
Hey, I've got a character for Jenna called "Me Want Food."
She's in a supermarket, and she keeps going, "Me want food!"
What? No.
We are not treating Jenna any differently.
She's gonna play all the characters she usually plays.
Like Hillary Clinton.
That's awesome. "Fat Hillary."
She can be like, "Me want food!"
No one is saying, "Me want food," Frank.
We are going to showcase Jenna's talents.
Can I sing a song on the show?
Yes. That's a great idea.
Can I sing and rollerdance?
Yes.
Yeah, because we are going to dare America
to change their own attitudes about body image.
Why do you have to make everything into an issue?
Don't you have things to do in your own life?
At least I don't live with my mom. Ow!
Hey, my mom's cool.
I've got my life together, okay?
Holy crap! Did your tooth just fall out?
That's not great, huh?
TRAC Y: Oh, check this out.
My key to the city of Gary, Indiana.
Mm! Look at this.
My gold record from that novelty party song.
? Werewolf bar mitzvah?
? Spooky, scary?
? Boys becoming men?
? Men becoming wolves?
Well, I'm going now.
Is there anything else you want to say, Tracy?
Yeah.
I miss you, Grizz.
Ugh!
Hello, Angie.
I hear you're single now. That's cool.
What?
I like your top. I'm a real good sex person.
I do it all the different ways.
Uh-huh.
Well, I don't have a husband anymore.
So you can come over anytime.
Oh, I will. I'll come over at night.
Good job, Kenneth.
You should see my A-game.
So, Dad...
Can I call you "Dad"?
Why not? I have a grandkid who calls me "Don."
Next time he does it,
I'm marching that little bastard to a recruiting station.
[Laughs] Great story, Dad!
Don! Devin!
Jack! Small world. Join us.
Are you sure? I wouldn't want to intrude.
This is Manal.
I never should have said we were going to a restaurant.
[Music plays]
She got big.
[Laughter]
Ooh, her center of gravity is a little different.
Me want food!
Did you happen to tell Geiss about my little episode?
Come on, Jack. I'd never rat you out.
Wouldn't want to let you off that easy.
Here.
Why don't you take some of my steak?
I could never eat this much meat.
That's not what I hear.
Jack, we're having a little get-together
up at the house on Saturday.
You should come.
That would be my pleasure, sir.
Yeah, you should come.
It's gonna be a whole day of team sports and beer.
Get the ol' heart rate up.
Maybe pound a cheeseburger in the sun.
Throw some butter on it. You're gonna love it.
I'm gonna make your heart explode.
[Whistling]
Hey, Ken.
You're up early, Mr. Jordan.
I only got 11 or 12 hours sleep last night.
I got something on my mind-grapes
I need to talk to you about.
Oh. What is it, sir?
I saw you hitting on Angie the other day.
Seeing you with her, it opened my eyes.
Good for you, sir.
Yeah. All those years fooling around,
it wasn't fair to her.
So you got to make it fair.
I want you to go to my house and make love to my wife, Ken.
Jiminy Christmas!
My home address is in the GPS under "DaCrib"
'cause we live on DaCrib Avenue.
Now, you go to Angie.
And you make sure you pleasure her.
Well, they did laugh.
At you, Jenna. At.
Right. The bad kind.
You just can't be a real woman in this country.
God! It's like those Dove commercials never even happened.
Hey! Oh! "Me want food"!
This woman was a Mouseketeer, ma'am.
Let it go, Liz.
Me want food!
[Gasps]
Oh, my God.
My own T-shirt!
Hey! I am wanting the foods!
Very good. Very nice.
GEISS: Thataboy!
Yes!
Thanks, Jack!
You earned me a grand!
Thank you.
How's the heart holding up, buddy?
You know, you ought to just quit.
Geiss loves quitters,
if I understood his autobiography correctly.
Oh, wait. I didn't.
You know what? It's all right, Jack.
When you're dead and I'm CEO...
Oh, my.
Winthrop!
How do you do it, man?
You're always in such great shape.
Same weight as when I wrestled at Yale, Jack.
Winthrop here wrestled at Yale.
With other dudes or...
Banks here says he can pin you.
Well, I don't know...
Okay. You're so strong.
Oh, God. You're having your way with me.
Your back is like a barrel of snakes.
Oh, God! I'm just your doll.
I think I love you.
We're joking. It's all jokes.
? This is no ordinary love?
What have I done?
Kenneth should be back by now.
What's going on over at my house?
? This is no ordinary love?
? No ordinary love?
No!
I got to stop this!
Wow.
There she is.
Me Want Food.
Did you know, scientifically speaking,
that humans want food but don't need it?
I'm really having second thoughts about all of this.
Oh, don't worry. Dr. Wally is the best there is.
In a few hours, you'll be back to your old self.
It'll be like none of this ever happened.
I'm keeping it!
Uh, what?
The fat. I've decided to keep it.
Because people recognize me and I get off on it.
If you're gonna do this,
it's got to be because we are proving a point to the world.
Ugh! I'm not trying to prove anything.
And you've got to stop telling people how to run their lives.
That's not what this is.
And it's kind of hard to take life advice
from a single woman who is using her treadmill
as a hanger for a wedding dress.
Oh, I'm supposed to put it in the closet
with ham fat all over it?
And who's wearing a one-piece swimsuit instead of underwear.
I have to do laundry.
There he is!
Hey, Jack. Want a hot dog?
Oh, right.
The sodium.
Bum-bum.
Ka-boom!
[Laughs]
Just so you know, if you hear this sound at your funeral,
it's just me laughing.
[Laughing]
[Choking]
I can't hear you, Banks.
Are you saying you want me to help you?
Oh.
And if I do, you'll stop trying to destroy me in front of Geiss?
Oh.
That is what you're saying, right?
Here we go.
You're insane!
That's it. I quit.
No more football.
Jack wins.
Quitter!
Oh, God! Just like the Greeks.
I'm gonna kill you, Kenneth the Page!
I'm sorry, Mr. Jordan. I couldn't do it.
This boy comes to the door, tries to kiss me,
then he throws up and starts crying.
My body wouldn't let me violate the sacred bonds of marriage.
It was a gesture, Angie.
I'm saying I'm sorry!
I'm at the end of my rope, Tracy Jordan.
But, baby!
Mnh-mnh.
No more jewelry with my name misspelled.
No more sexually explicit skywriting.
And no more white boys throwing up in my damn foyer!
What do you want?
[Sighs]
I'm willing to try anything.
Okay. Here's what I want.
From now on, I'm on you like white on rice.
You are not to leave my sight for one second. Ever.
All right.
If that's what it takes.
This grilled cheese has mayonnaise in it!
What?
Hmm.
Is it really worth it?
I wonder.
I almost let a man die today, Caitlin.
And for what?
For a bigger office? For more money?
Jack.
So, how's the ticker?
Devin told me.
He said you're not a well man.
Why don't we forget about Devin for the moment?
Are you concerned about my heart, sir?
No, not at all. Not after today.
You were out there with those boys in your condition.
Talk about heart.
Take care of yourself, Jack.
I've technically died twice.
It's not fun.
But I'm not going to be around forever.
At some point, I want to spend more time with my grandkids.
Take my boat down to the islands.
Get to know my secret family up in Canada.
But I want you to know you're on my list.
Jack, you might run this company one day.
Thank you, sir.
[Laughs]
You mind if I watch you eat that?
Okay.
? Werewolf bar mitzvah?
? Spooky, scary?
? Boys becoming men?
? Men becoming wolves?
[Howling]
? Werewolf bar mitzvah?
? Spooky, scary?
? Boys becoming men?
? Men becoming wolves?
[Howling]